Abandonment Points: Indicators, Causes, & Coping Ideas

What Causes Abandonment Points?

Our fears could appear irrational generally, however they’re a pure response to perceived risks.  Abandonment fears are typically rooted in deep, often-painful private experiences. Worry of abandonment can influence folks in some ways and has a wide range of causes.

“Worry of abandonment is the concern or perception that you simply’ll be left behind by these you’re keen on. This could usually depart you feeling unloved, insecure, insufficient, and unworthy of affection. Worry of abandonment can are available a number of classes — the concern of being left by a romantic companion or of being abandoned by your dad and mom (or youngsters as an older grownup). It’s usually attributable to one thing traumatic taking place in your previous comparable to demise of or being abandoned by a father or mother or caregiver; neglect; feeling rejected by your friends; or being left instantly by a romantic companion.”

Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Trauma/previous experiences

Abandonment trauma could also be triggered in response to a traumatic or distressing occasion. When a relationship ends instantly or in an upsetting method, it may possibly trigger nervousness in future relationships. Infidelity, divorce, neglect or abuse, and the demise of a companion can all trigger concern of abandonment.


The bonds we type throughout childhood form the best way we see relationships as adults. If somebody experiences childhood trauma comparable to emotional neglect, violence, or abuse, it is smart that it could be troublesome for them to really feel safe in future relationships. Studies additionally verify that youngsters might develop abandonment points in the event that they’re separated from a father or mother by divorce, incarceration, or demise. 

Unhealthy relationships

For some, it may be troublesome to acknowledge {that a} relationship is unhealthy, even in instances of abuse or after the connection has ended. If a previous companion — or perhaps a main caregiver — engaged in dangerous behaviors comparable to intimidation, dishonesty, manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional neglect, you would possibly anticipate to see these behaviors in future relationships. Unresolved abandonment points after an unhealthy relationship could make it difficult for future companions. Courting somebody with abandonment points could also be difficult to navigate if not addressed by each companions.


Whether or not somebody has misplaced a pal, romantic companion, or member of the family, the demise of a cherished one may cause deep and lasting grief and ache. After experiencing that form of loss, it may be frequent to really feel terrified about dropping others. The concern of abandonment may be particularly intense if the demise was sudden.

Unmet emotional wants

All of us want the fundamentals — meals, sleep, and shelter — to remain wholesome, however we even have emotional wants. When these wants are met, we really feel completely happy and content material, however after they’re uncared for, we might really feel pressured, pissed off, or unloved. Somebody might develop abandonment points after a caregiver or romantic companion repeatedly fails to satisfy their emotional wants.



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