Mikayla Nogueira could also be referred to as a magnificence influencer on TikTok, however in line with her, she hasn’t “felt lovely in months.” In a recent TikTok posted on Aug. 30, the 23-year-old shared that her self-hatred is at an all-time excessive. “I’ve zero confidence. I hate how I look. I have not discovered lovely in months, and I do not know why that is occurring to me,” she mentioned, earlier than rapidly clarifying, “Effectively, that is a lie. I do [know why]. It is this job.”
As an influencer that has amassed a following of 13.4 million individuals, Nogueira has felt the stress to look a sure method. “When you’ve gotten a job that requires you to stare at your self all day lengthy, you start to hate all the pieces about your face and your physique or no matter — not solely since you’re selecting your self aside, however as a result of your viewers can be doing the identical factor,” she mentioned.
She provides that it makes no distinction if she’s sporting make-up or not. “I hate myself within the mirror and I hate taking pictures of myself” and “The worst a part of it’s, I’ve utterly forgotten who I’m. I really feel very misplaced, and I really feel extraordinarily confused about myself.”
Sharing what’s on my thoughts ❤️
Lots of the emotions Nogueira mentions within the TikTok seen by 7.3 million individuals may be attributed to what’s known as body dysmorphia, which is a psychological well being situation that occurs when “you’ll be able to’t cease fascinated about a number of perceived defects or flaws in your look,” in line with the Mayo Clinic. This usually appears like avoiding pictures, trying to cover your self or physique, and avoiding social conditions, which Nogueira mentions in a follow-up publish. “I simply consistently discovered myself wishing that I used to be the previous Mikayla, which is a horrible method to really feel, particularly as a result of I’ve had so many unbelievable accomplishments occur. I ought to be capable to get pleasure from them and have a good time them however I am so fucking depressed.”
Although Nogueira has constructed her platform by way of makeup tutorials, her followers respect the vulnerability and relatability she shares with them — from moments of honesty round weight gain while trying on swimsuits for summer to experiencing a “major breakthrough” with her eating disorder while shopping for jeans. However the Boston-native notes that the rationale she needs to be vocal about her emotions is as a result of she’s seen she’s “stopped doing my make-up the way in which I need to do it.”
“Due to all of the stress to observe the traits and to seem like all people else, proper now, I’ll do my make-up precisely the way in which I need to do it.”
This hit house for a lot of, together with pop-star icon Lady Gaga, who commented, “I’ve been by way of this earlier than and nonetheless do typically and typically it is good to take little breaks from the mirror/digital camera simply to calm the thoughts ❤️.” And although I can not communicate for Nogueira, Gaga’s phrases possible helped many feeling the very same method as Nogueira. As a result of when influential individuals name out magnificence requirements, it reminds us that all of us battle with related fears and frustrations — regardless of how well-known or what number of followers now we have on social media.
After making use of a heavy contour, full coverage concealer, and a “complete lot of fucking bronzer as a result of that’s what I like”, Nogueira ended the video by doing her eyebrows. “I get shit on for doing my eyebrows black, however I am gonna do my eyebrows black. As a result of having darkish eyebrows at all times made me really feel my greatest — that is my aesthetic and I like them.” After including glitter over her eyelids, she smiled and mentioned, “I went off the rails and I do not remorse it.”
We’re grateful for this trustworthy, weak queen.
Picture Supply: Stefanie Keenan / Contributor / Getty